VetMom first tip

1. Do not ever give the child your car key.

This may result in finding your key in a totally inappropriate place, like a garbage bin, along with other items like shoes, and shampoo. Worse yet, it can result in your child locking themselves and your dog in the car as they bite the alarm button…click …lock ….click …lock…. Because somehow they will never bite on the unlock button. Only on the lock button. Your mother will get hysterical and want to break the window but you will remain calm yet very concerned for the safety of your dog because he has long fur and the car is obviously too hot for him to cope. The baby will be fine as they think it’s a game. Hopefully you are able to talk your dad into going home and bringing the spare key before your mother who is almost hyperventilating breaks the glass – and then all will be okay. But you would have learned an invaluable lesson which is to NEVER GIVE YOUR BABY THE CAR KEYS.

Although sometimes I give in, to distract him for a second, but then I remember the incident and usually take it back. Depends on how desperately you need the distraction. Screaming fits in public usually warrant giving them the bloody keys.

The child will also suck the alarm so much that you may as well have just dropped it in a bucket of water. It becomes totally submerged in spit over time since their existence. Soon, you will see the light on the key alarm start to fade. You will notice that you have to click it an average of 3 times for it to work. You ignore all the signs because you forget about it once it actually works. But it catches up on you and one day it stops working totally. And you feel grief. A deep sadness because now you have to walk all the way around the car, stick the damn key into the car while holding the child, bag, lunch kit… and turn it over and over until you do it the right way to mean OPEN which again usually takes 3 tries… and then walk back around the car to put the child into the seat.

Then the seatbelt gets stuck and you look ridiculous sticking your bottom out of the door for ever and ever, as you have to put the seat belt all the way back to the top so it releases, then you can pull and wrap it around the car seat after it sticks 10 times and buckle it into the furthest away possible buckle because the child undoes it while driving and escapes. Then you go back and sit in the car and cannot find the keys for a few minutes until something tells you to check the car door. So you have to get back out of the car to get the key because you cannot reach it if you stay sitting (even though you try to every single time). And THEN when you finally get it you can turn your car on and go about your day. And approximately 2 seconds later you forget that whole episode even happened… and that entire cycle reoccurs. 

I have been doing this shit for a good few weeks now. I really must get the battery changed. But where even sells those little round weird batteries for car key alarms? I wonder how much they cost? It’s fine surely I dont even really need it anyway… I mean, this is what they did in the olden days, not so? Small thing. Don’t need it. 

Then you hop out of the car and have to walk around it to get the child back out then walk around to the front again with the baby, bag, bottle and snack, stop to pick up the shoe that just fell off…somehow manage to stick the friggin key into the friggin hole and turn it 3 times then triple check that the door is locked while the baby is falling out of your arms but doesn’t actually fall out….and then you cuss and cuss because WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST BUY THE DAMN BATTERY.

Tomorrow for sure, you say to yourself.

Ha.