I’ve been working in the UK for about 8 months now and I find myself hearing “I’m a single mum” very often, usually when discussing finances (or lack thereof) and usually with a negative connotation.
Then I realised that in the world, people seem to associate being a single mother with some absolutely horrible death-like situation to be in. “I can’t afford this because I’m a single mum” or “too bad you have a child”… umm, excuse me? I don’t hear “single dads” say these things. Hmm, what actually even is a single dad lol I’ve never met one.
Being a “single mum” is not an excuse for lack of work ethic. Nor is it some plague which should be scaring people off. Being a single parent means that things will be harder, yes. It means that perhaps you cannot afford all of the things that some two parent families have, yes. But we must not let ANYONE make us feel pitied. Sorry, but I am doing way better than a lot of people existing right now who have no children. Or even two parent households.
As “single mums” we work extra hard and maybe party extra hard because that one night a month that we get a break needs to count. We may be extra tired because we have to make all of the decisions, do all of the disciplining, all of the groceries, the cooking, the cleaning, the pick-ups and the drop-offs. It’s all just a bit extra. But let me turn that around. I GET to make all of the decisions. I get to see my child as much as I want to and don’t miss a moment. I will never look back at these days and say…I wish I worked less and spent more time with my child…because I get to spend so much time with him now. I feel accomplished. Feel like a badass. Feel like I can do anything.
And if there is one thing that this journey so far has taught me, it’s that I do not NEED anyone. Besides friends who keep me sane of course. And family 🙂 I don’t need a man in my life to come and ‘save me’ from this single parenting dilemma. Because I can do it on my own. And MAN that feels good.
Any man who makes you feel guilty about having a child is not worth your time, whether you believe it or not. If they can’t accept that they will have to share your time with your child, then it’s a great tell tale sign that they will probably be exactly the same with your future child together – so get out before you do that thing. If they need to have 100% of your attention to be happy, end it fast because that is just not feasible and later down the line it will likely just annoy the shit out of you anyway. No one wants a needy partner. We are grown ups. We need to create our own happiness and have our own lives. We need to be happy alone first, before we can be happy with a partner. And as a friend said this weekend, you need to have some degree of independence to have a connection because how can you connect with someone if you always move as one bonded unit? You just can’t. So the next time some man tells me … “too bad you have a child” I will not take offence, I will not get upset. I will just know that this man:
1- is immature
2- is annoying
3- needs to learn how to use dating apps (yes I have a dating app and I’m not in the least bit ashamed about it) because you don’t swipe right if you are not interested in the person lol
4- will one day realise that when you become a parent, it is NOT the end. You don’t feel less worthy of love. You don’t need to make your child 100% of your life. And you don’t need silly people telling you things like “too bad you have a child”
This single parenting job isn’t a curse honey, its proof to the world that you can do anything. It’s proof to yourself that you don’t need anyone. And it is proof to your child that hard work pays off – because they will see you struggle and they might even see you fail at times but they will never see you give up. And people who never give up will always be successful.
Vet.Mom. 